beta_vulgaris (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beta_vulgaris) wrote2014-11-01 12:21 pm
beta_vulgaris) wrote2014-11-01 12:21 pm
Entry tags:
Kinky November Day 1: Book Review Playing with Others
Book Review: Playing Well With Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams
Indiebound listing
I was delighted when I ran into this book on the shelves of a feminist bookstore in Chicago, and I got my bookstore to order it, too. It's written by a trans guy, Lee Harrington, whose name I have encountered frequently in my travels through kink space, and also Mollena Williams, a woman of color whose name I've also seen around the kinky/poly podcastosphere. I have very much enjoyed Harrington's appearances on Greydancer's Ropecast and Minx's Poly Weekly, and I do use Harrington's rope tutorial book Shibari You Can Use.
This book is a really excellent guide to getting into kink scenes, and thanks to this focus and the care of its authors, the advice in here is relevant and really useful. There are a lot of things I learned the hard way (ie., by feeling/acting like a n00b in some spaces and having to really get to know people before I got access to the kinds of advice and conversation that helps one understand and navigate kink scenes. This book is clear, well-organized, and relevant if you want to participate in kink and BDSM outside of the bedroom. The authors do a great job of discussing the types of events that are out there, lots of social do's and don't's around how to dress for particular events (ie., an outfit for a munch is generally VERY different from one you'd wear to a fetish club--both events are likely to have differing dress codes), how to respect and watch for aspects of etiquette and community norms, advice for handling social interactions, etc.
I particularly like this book because other books on BDSM that I have found have focused almost exclusively on the bedroom. That's great, but this is the handbook I needed in order to feel comfortable enough to navigate the scene. It's also usefully broad--Harrington and Williams are very cautious not to be prescriptive and to offer multiple options and considerations to think through or talk over before deciding on whatever course of action is best *for you*. Their approach is refreshingly diverse, contemporary, informative and friendly, and I really think this is a nice intro for anyone considering taking the leap and going to an event.
I might also recommend this book as a resource to anyone writing fiction set in contemporary BDSM communities! It addresses so many of the major and minor anxieties that come up (air travel considerations, for instance, as well as managing one's emotional resources at events and so many other small things that really matter in small moments) that can help you contextualize characters in a community and find little details to ring true, even if you aren't interested in attending any of these events or spaces yourself.
Indiebound listing
I was delighted when I ran into this book on the shelves of a feminist bookstore in Chicago, and I got my bookstore to order it, too. It's written by a trans guy, Lee Harrington, whose name I have encountered frequently in my travels through kink space, and also Mollena Williams, a woman of color whose name I've also seen around the kinky/poly podcastosphere. I have very much enjoyed Harrington's appearances on Greydancer's Ropecast and Minx's Poly Weekly, and I do use Harrington's rope tutorial book Shibari You Can Use.
This book is a really excellent guide to getting into kink scenes, and thanks to this focus and the care of its authors, the advice in here is relevant and really useful. There are a lot of things I learned the hard way (ie., by feeling/acting like a n00b in some spaces and having to really get to know people before I got access to the kinds of advice and conversation that helps one understand and navigate kink scenes. This book is clear, well-organized, and relevant if you want to participate in kink and BDSM outside of the bedroom. The authors do a great job of discussing the types of events that are out there, lots of social do's and don't's around how to dress for particular events (ie., an outfit for a munch is generally VERY different from one you'd wear to a fetish club--both events are likely to have differing dress codes), how to respect and watch for aspects of etiquette and community norms, advice for handling social interactions, etc.
I particularly like this book because other books on BDSM that I have found have focused almost exclusively on the bedroom. That's great, but this is the handbook I needed in order to feel comfortable enough to navigate the scene. It's also usefully broad--Harrington and Williams are very cautious not to be prescriptive and to offer multiple options and considerations to think through or talk over before deciding on whatever course of action is best *for you*. Their approach is refreshingly diverse, contemporary, informative and friendly, and I really think this is a nice intro for anyone considering taking the leap and going to an event.
I might also recommend this book as a resource to anyone writing fiction set in contemporary BDSM communities! It addresses so many of the major and minor anxieties that come up (air travel considerations, for instance, as well as managing one's emotional resources at events and so many other small things that really matter in small moments) that can help you contextualize characters in a community and find little details to ring true, even if you aren't interested in attending any of these events or spaces yourself.